<3 Anti-Obama Satire

From The Times Online comes one hilarious piece poking fun at Obama and all those who exalt his name. Read on below. . .

He ventured forth to bring light to the world
The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers
Gerard Baker

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.
Background

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the

Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.

From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.

From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.

In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.

As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.

But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”

Well, hi!

Yeah, all right, so I'll just update this whenever I have a moment and/or something to share, and I'll just letcha know on Facebook and Twitter that I have something new. Deal? :-)

School's going all right. I'm getting pretty tired of core classes, though. I'm SO ready to get started on my History classes at UTA!

I did a really cool Powerpoint presentation in my Speech class several weeks ago on drilling for oil on American soil. Got myself a full petition to send to AmericanSolutions.com!

Indiana Jones 4 was pretty fun. Certainly wasn't the best, but I'm pretty sure I loved it more than most Indy superfans. The Incredible Hulk was AMAZING, and The Dark Knight was even better than I could have ever imagined.

Jenn is my pretty pretty girl, and I'm gonna marry her sweet patootie! She's nuzzling me right now. It's awesome. Oop, there she goes again!

That's it for now. Tootles.

Sean Hannity's Top 10 Items For Victory

This is a GREAT list cooked up by Sean Hannity. Something every Conservative/Republican should take to heart.

Hannity's Top 10 Items for Victory

1) To be the Candidate of National security:
a) Victory in Iraq
b) Fully support NSA, Patriot act, tough interrogations, keeping Gitmo open
c) A Candidate that pledges to NOT demean our military while they are fighting for their Country. eg Harry Reid: "the surge has failed", "the war is lost"
d) Candidate that promises to ensure that our veterans can live out their lives in dignity.

2) The Candidate who pledges to oppose Appeasement:
a) The Candidate will oppose any and all efforts to negotiate with dictators of the world in places like Iran, Syria, N.Korea, Cuba, and Venezuela without "pre-conditions"

3) The Candidate Pledges to support Tax CUTS, and fiscal responsibility:
a) The American people are NOT under taxed, Government Spends too much
b) The Candidate who Pledges to ELIMINATE and VOTE AGAINST ALL Earmarks
c) The Candidate pledges to BALANCE the budget

4) The Candidate Pledges to be a supporter of "Energy Independence"
a) supports Immediate drilling in Anwar and the 48 states
b) Building new refineries
c) Begin building and using Nuclear Facilities
d) expand coal mining
e) realistic steward of the environment
While simultaneously working with private industry to develop the new energy technologies for the future, with the goal being that America becomes completely energy independent within the next 15 years.

5) The Candidate pledges to secure our borders completely within 12 months:
a) build all necessary fences
b) use all available technology to help and support agents at the border
c) train and hire agents as needed

6) Healthcare:
The Candidate will look for Free-Market solutions to the problems facing the Healthcare industry, and will vigorously oppose any efforts to "nationalize healthcare".
a) The Candidate will fight for Individual health savings accounts, that includes "catastrophic insurance" for every American, so people can control their own healthcare choices.

7) Education:
a) The Candidate pledges to "save" American children from the failing educational system
b) The Candidate will fight to break the unholy alliance of the Democratic party and teachers unions, which at best has institutionalized mediocrity, and has failed children across the country
c) fight for "CHOICE" in education and let parents decide
d) fight for vouchers for parents

8) Social Security and Medicare:
a) The Candidate will "save" social security and medicare from bankruptcy.
b) Options will include "private retirement" funds so people can "control" their own destiny.

9) Judges
a) The Candidate vows to support ONLY judges who recognize that their job is to interpret the Constitution, and NOT legislate from the bench.

10) American Dream:
The Candidate accepts as their duty and responsibility to educate, inform, and remind people that with the blessings of Freedom comes a Great responsibility. That Government's primary goal is to preserve, protect and defend our God given gift of freedom.

That Governments do not have the ability to solve all of our problems, and to take away all of our fears and concerns. We need their pledge that they will be the candidate that promotes Individual liberty, Capitalism, a strong national defense and will support policies that encourage such...

It is our fundamental belief that limited Government, and Greater individual responsibility will insure the continued prosperity and success for future generations.

We the people who believe in the words of Ronald Reagan, that we are "the best last hope for man on this earth," "a shining city on a hill," and that our best days are before us if our Government will simply trust the American people.

-- Reposted from Hannity.com

Good stuff. I wish someone would step up and suit action to these words.

Updates. Again.

Well, here we are again. Hey, at least it wasn't another full month, right!? :-)

Lots of fun was had over the past weeks. Jenn and I went to Taste Addison again this year. It was a lot of fun! Switchfoot was very very cool on Friday night, but we didn't bother staying for Gavin DeGraw. Mainly because there are only one or two songs by him that we know. Ha! Saturday was cool for the most part. The Killdares were phenomenal as they always are, and there were a couple of other small-time bands that were pretty decent. The Black Crowes were the headline show for the night, and we were initially going to stay for them... until we realized how much weed was being smoked even before the concert started. It was pretty ridiculous. So we took off and walked around the park during that show, and definitely ended up having more fun that way. If you're interested in pics and vids, click the NOM NOM below to view the gallery...

Now, Taste Addison was fun and all. Good food, good music, etc.. But to me, that didn't hold a candle to the event I've been waiting for since I first discovered this band eleven years ago...



Yeah, baby! Apocalyptica in Dallas!

The guys were AWESOME. Everything I was hoping for when I first heard they were coming here. We had a big group go out there, and we got a great spot up in the balcony. Excellent view of the whole stage, and we didn't have to worry about the craziness in the crowd below (there was a big fight that we saw Security break up).

Anyway, got pics and a couple other vids to see. Click on the scary and awesome doods below to check out the gallery...



That is one of my all-time favorite pictures, by the way.

So, what else is new?

Still working on finding a job. I'm going to apply at Bowie High School for the same job I wanted to get at Lamar High School.

I registered for my Fall classes at UTA! :-) I have a bunch of awesome History classes to take, and I'm stoked about my new major and my (somewhat) new school.

Iron Man was freakin' SWEET. Prince Caspian was excellent, too. Totally pumped about seeing Indiana Jones 4 this weekend.

Jenn and I went with my dad to Hico on Saturday for their annual state steak cook-off. My uncle is the principal of Hico High School, and Jenn got to meet him and my aunt while we were there. Gooooooood steak, too.

I've been listening to Sean Hannity and Mark Levin lately. If you don't know who they are, they're Conservative radio talk show hosts who speak a lot of truth in my opinion. Not looking for any debate here or anything (I know a lot of my online friends here are not-so-Conservative), but I'll probably be posting stuff I find from them occasionally. Tomorrow, Hannity's going to be posting a list of Conservative ideals that he feels the Republican Party has drifted away from and needs to take a good, fresh look at once more. I'll prob'ly repost that list on here tomorrow (or whenever I get a chance to blog again). :-)

<-- This is cool.

Guess that's it for now. Peace.

Updates Updates Updates...

What's up, friends. Still struggling to find time to update this thing more often, so I apologize for not doing such a good job.

Still been crazy busy IRL! Jenn and I went to Special Olympics last Saturday to cheer on Mark and my students. It was a lot of fun, and I'll get those pictures up soon as I can. We also went to the Rangers game that evening, which was a lot of fun. The fireworks were gorgeous. I was a little annoyed though, because they lost that night 12-6, then turned around and pitched a shutout and won 10-0 the next day! LAME!

Finals are next week! This semester has been wild, and I'm looking forward to it ending. I'm really pumped about transferring to UTA next fall, and I'm ready to really start getting into that nice long list of History classes I need for my degree. :-)

Still waiting to hear from the principal of Lamar High School about that lab manager job. Kim, our nurse and my very dear friend, was sweet enough to call his wife, who is the head of the nursing department, and see if she could put a word in for me. After emailing Michelle last week and thanking her for anything she could say to him on my behalf, I got an email back from her this morning letting me know that she did talk to him about me, and even forwarded my thank-you email to him. She was very sweet to me, and I'm very optimistic that I'm building up quite a foundation here that will give me enough leverage to get this job that I want/need so badly. Very exciting!

I'll wrap it up by posting the pics from the campout that I promised y'all. Click the picture below to view the entire gallery...

Oh, and I'm seeing a movie on Friday. Looks pretty cool, maybe you've heard of it.

Muh.

Hi. Sorry, I suck. It's been waaaaay too long since I updated. I've totally gimped out on all my projects and stuff. Between registering for summer classes, registering for UTA in the fall, finding a new job, and spending time with Jenn, I've had no time at all for anything else.

What? What did I say? Finding a new job? That's right, friends, I'm moving on. After seven years of working at Webb, I'm completely and utterly burned out. Plus, I need better pay. TA pay sucks. Anyway, today I had an interview at the Apple Store in Highland Park. It was pretty lame. The guy seemed really uncomfortable talking to me. Plus, he didn't seem very keen at all on starting me off on a full-time schedule. Which sucks, because I can't afford anything BUT a full-time schedule. So, if he calls me back next week for a follow-up interview, I'm not exactly sure if I can afford to take it or not.

That being said, there's another phone call I'm waiting on. I applied to be computer lab manager at Lamar High School. Same days I'm working now, yet considerably better pay. How 'bout that for a deal? So, I submitted my resume to the principal of Lamar on Monday evening. The deadline to apply is next Monday, so it'll at least be that long before I should expect any phone call from them.

Jenn and I took part in an awesome retreat at Tyler State Park last weekend with our Sunday School class. It was quite the blastie blast, and I'll try to get pictures up as soon as possible. Keep an eye on my Flickr, or just come back here because I'll post them here as well.

Other than that, I suppose that's about it for now. I'm just sitting here in the lecture hall, waiting on my Texas Gov't class to start in about twenty minutes. After that, I'll be heading to church for orchestra rehearsal. Christopher, our new music minister, emailed me to let me know that we're going an arrangement of "Be Thou My Vision" for Sunday's service, and there's a cello solo in it. To say I'm excited is a little bit of an understatement. I'm SO happy to be playing again. :-)

Hope you're having a good one. Stay tuned, friends, I promise I'll be a good boy about updating as frequently as I used to. And I definitely promise to finish up the Alphabet Project and get started on my Good People Day 08 project. That one's going to be a lot of fun, I should have started it back when I first talked about it.

U is for "Up, Up And Away!"

Look to the skies.

Seriously, who doesn't want to be able to fly? Geek or otherwise, you know you want to.

Oh hey, if you ever have trouble seeing these photos because of the transparency, click on them to see 'em in my Flickr gallery. Just promise me you'll come right back here. :-)